Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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