I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
