Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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