I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
