I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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