I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
