now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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