i just google imaged poop.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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