Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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