you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize