i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
