it hurts more in the daytime
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
