so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Boobs speak an international language.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
