:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
