Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
