I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
