he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
