and my herpes radar will keep us safe
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
there is glitter all over my balls
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
