Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
