I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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