Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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