Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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