3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
