Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i drank out of a bidet.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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