I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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