the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
