I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
