Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
