Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
