I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize