I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My ass is underappreciated
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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