You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
