Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish you could order shots online.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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