And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
