yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
