I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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