i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
