Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
