I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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