Sry I called you an 8
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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