I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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