Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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