i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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