No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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