Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
