Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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