Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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