Cold hands, warm shart.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have aggressive nipples.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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