We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
