Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
