Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
birth control should be required to get into college
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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