you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
