the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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