if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
