I want you more than these girls want KFC
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
