when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
