put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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