she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
3pm strippers are depressing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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