so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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