i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
