I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
