that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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