Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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