I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Farmville is her only friend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
