She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
