the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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