i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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