he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
