just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
