You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
