Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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