she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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