so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
