in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she looked like the before picture.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
