someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
