I didn't shave. On purpose
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
