You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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