well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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