My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize