It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
