Do you still have your period?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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