If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
