Pants 0. Shit 1.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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