i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
How external is "for external use only"?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
