it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
