brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Found your dick twin last night
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
