it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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