My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
