There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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