I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
