For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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