I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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