it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
