a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
