shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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