i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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