Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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