True but thats because hes a fetus.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
