Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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