If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
