He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
