Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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