my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my shit smells like andre
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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