I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize