Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
