feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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