I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
