I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
