Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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