i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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