so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
