i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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