The maid of honor just puked.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
