Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel great
I just peed on a car
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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