with your own penis?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
