where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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