Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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