I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
