i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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