i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize